Fruit Inspection

I have been under conviction lately regarding my lack of gentleness. And actually, my memory verse for this week was not taken from my discipleship book. It is a verse that was laid on my heart during quiet time and I became painfully aware that the Holy Spirit was talking to me and the way I react to members of my family.

People who know me and do not live with me might be surprised to know that “gentle” is not a word that anybody in my family would EVER use to describe me. Sure, I am nice. Helpful. Polite. And agreeable on most things. Anytime I have taken a personality test, the results are always the same: Phlegmatic with underlining Supine. Which in laymans terms means, I have a pretty nonchalant attitude and like to get along with everybody, but if you ever do someting to tick me off, I will probably hold a grudge for the rest of my life!

And since it’s hard to live with people and not do something to upset them at least once, I have this internal anger that I mask as “hurt feelings” and can’t ever seem to get over it. Not that I dwell on it all the time. Things will go along smoothly, then when they upset me again, all those past hurts come rolling back, making it hard for me to deal with the current situation and move on.

So in an effort to overcome my harsh, unforgiving attitude, I went through my bible and wrote down every verse that I could find pertaining to gentleness. Another verse struck a chord with me. 1 Thes. 2:7 says “but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children.”

It left me wondering, how can I care for my children gently? I mean, obviously, if my kids were perfect angels and they walked around the house on white, billowy clouds, speaking softly, and dishing out nothing but hugs and kisses, it would be much easier to answer that question. But they are far from it. Savannah clomps all over the hardwood floors in her plastic Cinderella shoes, talking nonstop and using the word “Mommy” over and over and over until my ears start to bleed, while Emery is either screeching or crying. And heaven help me when they try to play together, because that just ends in somebody getting hurt… insert more fussing and crying here.

I have said before that I really hate myself when I yell at them. Even if it is just to get their attention and shouting at that decibel is the only way they can hear me. It is still uncalled for in my opinion. But eliminating the yelling and replacing it with gentleness is not something I had considered before. Is it possible?

The rest of this week I have tried to use the familiar “W.W.J.D?” to help me in disciplinary situations. Most other times, having a mothers’ gentle heart is not too hard, as long as I keep it in the forefront of my mind. However, when it comes to teaching my children about what is appropriate or inappropriate behavior, especially in the midst of a battle of the wills, what would Jesus do?

Which leads me to the horrific episode that happened last night at my parents’ house, where we were supposed to spend the night and get up this morning making blueberry pancakes and having a great time, but instead ended abruptly with me carrying Savannah to the car, kicking and screaming, shaking my head is disbelief all the way home.

It started simple enough. I believe she was bored with the adult conversation that was going on and started acting out to get attention. She ignored the correction and so she got a time out. All she had to do was sit in time out, QUIETLY, for 2 minutes, but she couldn’t stop talking, whining, and crying. This went on for what seemed like an eternity. Then I took away a favorite toy, adding, “if you will just be quiet for 2 minutes and think about why you are sitting here, you can have your Meo back and we will all go inside and play”. Nope. She couldn’t do it. And the crying became louder. After another eternity (can there be 2?) I told her she was going to bed. That caused the most intense screaming episode I had ever witnessed out of her. I guess it would be called a “Royal Fit”!

I am still thinking to myself “W.W.J.D.”, and though I was pretty sure Jesus would not spank a child, I did it anyways. But it was wasted because she started wailing and throwing herself around the room. I was left with no other option but to leave.

I thought all night and this morning about how to incorporate gentleness into that situation. And while there is plenty of examples in the bible of how God expects us to treat people, I don’t know of any place where Jesus encountered an out of control, shrieking child. Unless those are the stories about him driving out demons! :)

So anyways, this is my current quest. Figuring out how to teach my children right from wrong, in a respectable, loving, gentle way, without being too soft, too overbearing, or too harsh. Yeah, that’s not too hard!!!