Fruit Inspection

…I was 6 days past my due date. A very long 6 days I might add! I had an OB appointment in the afternoon where I was certain they would tell me I was completely effaced and walking around dialated to 7 cm. “You might as well go over to labor and delivery” I imagined them saying.

Not hardly.

When they checked me I was only dialated a half a centimeter. ONE HALF OF A CENTIMETER. Do you know how minutely small that is? I sighed and may or may not have questioned my doctors’ credibility. It depends on who’s telling the story.

The nurse pointed the way for me to go, to have a stress test done to make sure the baby had plenty of fluid and was not in any harm. While I was hooked up to the machine I told Jeremy I was feeling kind of crampy. I had no idea what a contraction was going to feel like, but everyone kept telling me “Oh, you’ll know”.

When the nurse came back in to read the results she confirmed what I was feeling to be the beginning of labor. Hallelujah!!! Finally!!! As I got dressed and made my way down to the parking lot, the uncomfortable tightness in my gut continued on. Then, while walking to my car, a big one hit.

The cramps had moved to definite contraction status. I had to pause, hold onto Jeremy for balance, bend over and breathe. Whew! Okay, on to the car. Jeremy and I had met each other at my appointment so we had to drive home separately. Thank goodness for Nextel’s (did I actually just say that???). We talked the whole way home and as we passed a Subway, I asked him to stop and buy me a foot long turkey and swiss with mayo and lettuce. I’ll never forget that sandwich. I craved them the entire time I was pregnant.

I put on my comfy clothes and sat at the kitchen table eating my turkey sub. Then I made myself at home in front of the TV and started timing my contractions to the 30 minute sitcoms I was watching. They were consistently 15 minutes apart for several hours, then started coming closer and harder.

We called my sister (who was going to stay with the dog) and my sister in law, Gina, “the coach”, and told them to come on over. Around this time my mom called me all bubbly and excited because a girl with whom she worked had just given birth to a baby girl. I wasn’t trying to be rude, but I may or may not have said, “I don’t really care about that right now, Mom! I’m in labor!”

I don’t remember a whole lot about the next several hours. I do know that I wanted to stay at home as long as I possibly could. I remember Gina was a fabulous coach and Jeremy was pacing around trying to decide if he should take a nap and rest up, or stay with me. I also remember having to pee a lot. A whole lot! Like every few minutes. And each time I’d empty my bladder, I’d have an awful, sharp contraction.

Around 4:30 am I decided that I could take it no longer. I was suffering and so was everybody else in my presence as I moaned and whimpered through each one. I asked Jeremy to call the doctor as I got my coat and shoes on. He got off the phone and announced that yes, he had spoken to Dr Campbell and she said that since this was my first delivery I probably had several more hours ahead of me and that we should stay home and call her back in a hour.

At this point I may or may not have glared at him and said, “I did not tell you to call and ask her if we could come. I told you to tell her we were coming!!!!”

After a most uncomfortable ride to the emergency room, I quickly donned a lovely hospital gown and prepared for the much anticipated epidural. The pain was so intense I absolutely could not believe it. My bones felt like they were splitting in two! I had never been so eager to have anyone check my dialation before.

The verdict? I was dialated to 1 centimeter. WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING??? That’s only a half a centimeter more than that afternoon. And they wouldn’t give me an epidural until I was at 3 cm. I may or may not have questioned the nurses credibility. It depends on who’s telling the story.

Only about 10 minutes of my screaming in pain went by before Jeremy took off to find someone to give me something. Another nurse came in with medicine that was supposed to “take the edge off”. Yeah, whatever. The only thing it did is make me pass out between contractions. But during the contraction, I can assure you, all the “edges” were there!

About an hour after my arrival and 45 minutes after the first nurse gave me the depressing 1 cm news, my doctor came in to check me. We were all surprised to say the least when she announced quickly, “She’s at 9 and a half! I’m breaking her water and we’re about to have a baby!!!”

This is where I completely freaked out! (And I mean freaked out in such a way that I still apologize to her at my yearly checkups.) WHAT ABOUT MY EPIDURAL??? I AM NOT HAVING A BABY WITHOUT AN EPIDURAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My parents may or may not have said they could hear me yelling all the way in the waiting room.

She calmly explained that oh yes I was and there was pretty much nothing I could do about it. And ya know what? She was right! Holy Smokes! When she broke my water I had the most incredible urge to push every organ right outside my body. Within a few minutes, at 5:58 am, Savannah was born.

Good thing we didn’t take her advice to stay home and call her in an hour! Can you imagine?

And now, here’s my “baby”, 5 years later:

Celebrating her birthday in a preschool classroom surrounded by friends with a beautiful smile on her face. Where has the time gone? It seems like only yesterday…