Fruit Inspection

1. After sitting patiently for 35 minutes in the waiting room you go to the attractive young girl at the check in window who is reapplying lipstick to ask if she might need to collect your copay, and it is then and ONLY then that she decides she should probably go ahead and pull your chart.

2. The P.A. sees you at 12:14 for your 10:45 appointment with no apology and has the nerve to ask “how are you?”, as your head is splitting open right in front of her due to sinus pressure and pain.

3. She asks you what your symptoms are, then interrupts your sentence to say, “Oh, by the way, my name’s Angela”, and then never gets back to why you are there.

4. With ample spare time in the examining room you had read all about the cosmetic procedures offered at this location, including electrolysis, and then are SHOCKED to see the low cut blouse on your P.A. revealing LOTS of long, curly chest hair!!! (Certainly that service would be free for her!)

5. P.A. “Needs a Shave” comes right out and bluntly asks “So what makes you think you have a sinus infection?” You reply, “I never said I had a sinus infection.” To which she says, “Oh, well the girls wrote that down on your chart.” (Apparently Miss Lovely Lips at the front desk diagnosed me as she copied my insurance card. How nice.)

6. When your ears, nose, throat, and chest are mucus-free, the P.A. starts doubting there is truly something wrong with you. Suddenly she has a great idea and asks you to lean forward. “Does that hurt?”, she asks. “Tremendously!”, is your response. “Yep, you have a sinus infection.” (Brilliant. I wonder if she learned that at med school or from the chick at the front desk?)

7. As she tells you what prescriptions will be called in you ask if the cough medicine will cause drowsiness. (Not that it matters since you are always drowsy, but being in charge of young children all day, you’d just like to know if you are going to be more drowsy than normal.) She takes a firm stand on this one and let’s you know under no uncertain terms that they only use those types of elixirs for older adults and she will not be supplying you with anything of that nature. (Down Girl…I wasn’t asking you to feed my drug addiction!)

8. You are in your car and leaving the parking lot by 12:19. A four and a half minute appointment…stellar!!!

9. As you pick up your prescriptions the pharmacist is concerned because the antibiotic that was called in is something you are allergic to.

10. You look at the bright yellow sticker on the cough medicine which reads “May Cause Drowsiness”!!!!!!!!!! (and no, I am NOT kidding!)