Weekly memory verse: “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain”.
Several years ago our Pastor gave a sermon that included the verse above. I remember it very distinctly because I was a new mom and it was the first time I had ever really thought about dying since my daughter had been born. And although my mind got a hold of what he was saying, there was something deep inside me (a motherly instinct no doubt) that refused to believe that death would be better than life.
In Philippians 1:12-30, Paul is talking about advancing the Gospel. In verse 21, he is saying that there is only one reason for living: to tell others about Christ and become more like Him. This can be a joy, but overwhelmingly, living in the world with its many trials, troubles, and hardships is a source of frustration, pain, and even fear. To Paul, leaving this world behind for an eternity with Jesus would be immensely better than living.
But Paul was not a mother.
This verse comes to my mind every so often, for reasons I’m am not aware of, but each and every time, I cannot give myself over to the thought that the beauty of heaven would even compare to the adorable faces of my precious children. And that thought right there leaves me torn.
On the one hand, I feel as though I am doubting the Word of God which talks about what an amazing place Heaven will be. Not only beautiful, but no more sorrow and suffering. And on the other hand, what would it say about me, as a Mom, if I desired to leave my children behind to face their difficulties on their own? How could I possibly want to leave them?
And so that thought leads to whether or not I feel this way because they are young. At 4 and 1, I am still meeting many of their basic needs. Maybe I will feel different when they are grown. But how grown are you, when you no longer need your mother? I am 35 and my mom helps me tremendously with my children. I don’t know what I would do without her. And even if my kids moved far away, I can’t imagine a time I would rather be anywhere other than listening to them tell me their hopes and dreams, their funny stories, or praying for them as they press through a difficult time.
This verse popped into my head once again over the weekend. Saturday night Jeremy and I went to see his grandmother in the hospital. At one point, he held her hand and very sincerely asked her, “Grandmaw, what did it feel like the night you came in here? The night you were dying. What were you thinking about?” She got kind of quiet, and then in a soft, shakey voice she said, “Well, I was scared. And all 3 of my boys were standing around me. And I said to all of them, ‘I can’t imagine never seeing your faces again’.”
You can imagine I started bawling. Of course, I waited until I got in the truck to drive home. But her comment really sealed it for me. At 84 years old, she had the same thoughts I did. I guess as a mom you never feel ready to leave your kids behind. Even for the promises of heaven.
6 Comments
I completely understand what you are saying. My mother died when I was just 19 years old and I have often wondered, as an adult, how hard that must have been for her to leave us behind. I was the oldest of three girls. When I became a mother, I began asking God to please let me live to be really old so I would never have to leave my children alone! We just must believe God’s word and I am beyond sure that heaven is so much greater than we could ever imagine and we will understand it all when we get theree! Sorry to ramble on! Hope I made sense.
Sorry for the typo–part of my message goes off the screen when I type and I can’t see the errors!
I know I’m not ready…nor can I imagine that I ever will be. Besides — now not only don’t I want to leave my children to fend for themselves, I have grandchildren that I want to be with!
ditto what your mama says. no one wants to die and i am terrified of dying even though i have the promise of good things in heaven. as i drive to work each day i look in the sky and ask honney and bish if it is all we are promised. so far, no one has answered me (maybe if i ask my sister in law who says she talks to bish rgularly) but in my heart i know there are good things in store in the treasure box of heaven. and you know, there are many more things to enjoy in the present and many more things ot worray about…so get on with life and let the kingdom call when it wants me…i have already prebought my condo at the right side of jesus. miz b
I think the Lord gives us these feelings just to remind us how hard it was for Him to give Jesus over like He did.
Just to remind us how great His love is for us! How perfect to be reminded of this at Easter time.
Yes, once again! At least this time you warned me I might cry. Anyway, I’ve had those same thoughts too – you’re not alone. The thought of not helping Addilyn plan her wedding one day (even though she probably won’t want my help) is so sad to me. Or watching Noah and Colby become fathers! If Heaven is better than that, it must be amazing!