Fruit Inspection

1. it was too much work to go on vacation.
2. my child threw up and I caught it.
3. I stopped criticizing the way my mom raised me.
4. talking about poop and other bodily functions didn’t make me uncomfortable.
5. my idea of a really good day is when the kids take a long nap.
6. sex got put on the “to do” list.
7. I became totally unaware of worldy events, but could sing all the words to the Wiggles own “Hot Potato, Hot Potato”.
8. grocery shopping at midnight just made sense.
9. I started hiding the bag of Oreo’s.
10. the public school system scared me!
11. using my breasts as a source of nourishment was no longer wierd.
12. the vehicle I drove was the size of a box truck.
13. I no longer had 1 hour, every other week, for a pedicure.
14. I stock piled AA batteries.
15. my grocery cart resembled a NASCAR and I would make the sound of screeching tires when coming around an aisle.
16. I could feel the pain of another mother whose child was missing or abused.
17. I started working hard to improve myself in an effort to be a better example.
18. I understood unconditional love.
19. I learned that discipline is not just for the children.
20. the laundry quadrupled!!!
21. I could name the local merchants who did NOT have diaper changing stations.
22. I could read “Stinky Face” while simultaneously taking a nap.
23. I did things I swore I would never do (ie: using the big purple babysitter).
24. I had to look up the word “privacy” in the dictionary to refresh my memory.
25. the first sound of “ma-ma” melted my heart.
26. I couldn’t sneeze, cough, or play volleyball without the assistance of a pantyliner.
27. I used the bathroom at my friend’s house and forgot to close the door.
28. velcro from a bib ruined my favorite black panties when they were accidentally washed in the same load.
29. it wasn’t fingerprints that I was cleaning off the front of my dishwasher…it was FOOTprints!
30. that funky smell in the playroom was poop…on the wall.
31. I had a blister and the only bandaid I could find had Lightning McQueen on it.
32. I understood the meaning of this sentence: “I unt to wash duh oovie oh an duh bi essit”.
33. one morning I found peas in the microwave that I meant to serve with dinner the night before.
34. having a cup of coffee wasn’t as easy as pour and enjoy…it now included heat…reheat…reheat some more…heat it again…and then forgetting where I put it.