Do you ever feel like someone else is better qualified to raise your kids? No? Just me? I knew it.
This weekend my same old stumbling block raised its ugly head. I could say I was tired. I could say I didn’t feel well. I could blame my wacky hormones. I would not be lying. But I choose to take full responsibility for my weaknesses.
I don’t know what initially got me so fired up. But I do know all patience was gone and my temper came out flaring. And what’s so crazy is that in the moment I can see what’s happening. Did my children need discipline? Yes. Was raising my voice bringing them into obedience? No. So why do I get louder and louder and louder. Why do I turn into a screaming banchee, as if that will gain the respect I need to get my kids back within their boundaries?
I read last week in Luke 17:2 “It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin”. Ugh! Hey Luke, why don’t you just grab a cereal spoon and dig my heart out. Isn’t that exactly what I’m doing when I overreact like that? Causing my kids to sin. It’s no wonder I overhead Savannah rebuking Emery last night, right in his face, full of sarcasm and without mercy. I am a horrible example!
What right do I have to correct her?
This morning I had to get gut honest with God. I told Him I didn’t even feel like I could apologize for what happened anymore. I mean, how many times can I say “I’m sorry” for the same thing? How sorry could I possibly be if I let it happen yet again?
Let’s put it this way. What if Jeremy has an affair? He comes to me and begs for my forgiveness. I know he’s truly sorry so I forgive him and we work through it. Six months later, same thing. Then it happens again and again. Eventually I would be like, um, hello? I’m not so sure you are truly sorry.
That’s the way I feel about asking for God’s forgiveness on this issue. He’s probably so tired of hearing it. Even though I believe He can and will have mercy on me, I don’t think I should even ask anymore. I’m ready to just give up and give in.
12 Comments
Hebrews 12 ~
Let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish.
Think about all He endured when sinful people did such terrible things to Him, so that you don’t become weary and give up.
He knows your heart, sister. He knows the repentance. Doesn’t mean you’ll wake up sinless tomorrow. Just means all you can do, is all you can do! Just keep doing your best and I believe He’ll honor that.
You are a great mother. Don’t let the enemy convince you otherwise.
Love,
jess
I hear you on this one–LOUD AND CLEAR–let me tell you! But I do have some advice for you that I am working on myself. First and foremost,
stop being so hard on yourself! It is good to the point that you are recognizing something that needs to be changed and are motivated to
do something about it, but beyond that it becomes counterproductive. Secondly, try turning a one of those “weak Mommy moments” into a
lesson for your kids. For example, I recently went off on Maya and, during the course of the episode, told her to “shut up.” I hate the mere
sound of those words and am constantly scolding Michael when he says it to the kids. After I calmed down, I apologized to Maya for saying
it, and gave her examples of ways that I could have handled the situation better. It doing so, she sees that I am humble enough to apologize,
learns to accept that even adults make mistakes, and usually brainstorms ideas of her own as to how I could have handled things better! So,
the next time she is having one of her own “moments,” she might be able to calm herself to think more clearly about how she should handle
her own emotions. Children learn by what we do more than what we say. Finally, think about all of the things you ARE doing that your kids
are emulating that you are proud of–like the generosity and compassion Savannah showed to the kids in Honduras the morning you were
leaving for your trip.
I hope this helps, and makes you feel better! Sorry for the long post, but you know I have always been one to get a little carried away with
words! :-)
Amy
When God forgives our sins, he truly FORGETS them. So when you say “again”, He says, “What are you talking about?” Jess is right…you’re a great mom. It’s a tough job. I don’t see where giving up would be much help to your beautiful, wonderful childlren. Just keep on keeping on…and give yourself a break.
Jodi, I know just how you feel. I think for me the act of screaming, is what gives me relief. Afterward I feel so much calmer. I try to go to my room, that way Kimmy’s not so tramatized. Have an internet hug.
Oh Jodi! I have been right where you are! Just remember that God’s mercies are NEW EVERY morning!!! Get your Bible and search for all the places that it tells us God is patient and longsuffering!!! Hang in there sister!!!
Don’t you know – we’ve all been there and are there? Your sister and mom couldn’t have said it better. And when I think about all of my second chances – I cant help but think of Peter. I mean, he was one of Jesus’ closest disciples. How many times did he tell Jesus he loved Him? And then how many times did he deny Him at the most critical point? But, according to Mark’s version of the gospel, when Mary went to the empty tomb, the Lord appeared unto her and said, “Go, tell the disciples, AND PETER, that I’m alive.” — As if to say, “I know Peter failed me, but I also know his heart. He does love me. Here is his second chance.”
Hang in there – Great is His Faithfulness! I’m praying for you today – are you praying for me? :)
He will throw them as far as the east is from the west. He doesn’t make empty promises, He means what He said!! Trust that. I am having
the same trouble with DQ. I actually found her doing to BB what I do to her the other night (screaming in anger). It hurt, but I know that if I trust the Lord, I will
be forgiven. It’s so hard sometimes, this motherhood thing. What comforts me is to know that God trusted me enough to give them to me,
even knowing the struggles I would have raising them. He knew!!!! And still He gave them to me. He knows Jodi!!!
I am so there with you! I get so angry with myself when I lose it like that and just feel like I am such a disappointment to both myself
and God. I too feel like how many times is God going to forgive me for the same stupid things I keep doing. This forgiveness is the essence
of who God is. He is all merciful and his grace knows no end. It’s hard for me in my sinful human little self to completely get my head around
the concept of endless grace. I am so glad it exists though because otherwise I would have no hope at all!! Hang in there and know we’re
struggling this same struggle with you!
Oh, girl. I am right there with you. I had another moment the other day and I
just felt terrible. I see so much of myself now in Jacob I do feel like giving up BUT
you have to keep on keepin’ on becasue above all I want my kids to know I’m real-not perfect.
And to think, I am going to lead ScreamFree Parenting in the fall. I need it more than anyone!
http://www.screamfree.com/
You are such a great mom. I love some of the other posts you’ve done about raising your children – the “good choices” jar and the sleep ticket. It shows that you are very deliberate in your decisions regarding your children and that you try very hard to approach your children in ways they understand.
But I have to say, I appreciate the blogger in you that puts this out there. I’m sure it is healing for you to write about it, but you also make the rest of us feel more normal. Your post and the comments also help us take the time to consider our faults in relation to our faith and beliefs, which will guide us as we strive to improve.
I can so relate. I don’t have any advice really but just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
Hugs xoxo
I can TOTALLY relate. Sometimes when I’m yelling at the kids I can see myself yelling at them, kind of like an outer body experience and I can’t believe that woman is yelling and at the same time I can’t stop. Parenting is sooo hard! But God does forgive over and over again!
I too feel hypocritical when I yell at my kids for yelling at their siblings. But the only thing we can do is ask them for forgiveness and pray the do better than we do!