Fruit Inspection

It costs my family of 4 almost $40 to go to the movies these days. And that’s just for the tickets. That doesn’t count all the snacks I smuggle in from the convenience store down the street. It’s so much cheaper to stay home. And on days like yesterday, it can be much more entertaining. We had action, we had comedy, we had mystery, and we had thrills.

It all started around 9 a.m. That’s when Savannah came in from walking Stafford and notified me there was something “wierd” on sidewalk. “Weird?”, I asked. I had taken Stafford out early that morning and didn’t remember seeing anything.

So I went to investigate and found the most disgusting pile of animal innards I’m sure I’ve ever seen. I came back in the house gagging and told Jeremy he was officially on duty for the clean up of that mess. He quickly disposed of it, all the while commenting on what a large animal that must have been.

Yeah, whatever… let’s not talk about it anymore, m’kay?

Next I made a huge grocery list in hopes of torturing my children with a trip to the local Super Wal-Mart. The three of us piled in the car and we took off. It wasn’t until 30 minutes later, as we strolled down the first of many, many aisles, that Savannah told me she felt sick. What? Hey, not to be insensitive or anything, but with these gas prices, there was no way I was turning around and driving all the way back home for a belly ache.

Soon, “I don’t feel good” turned into “I can’t walk” as she doubled over with what seemed to be pretty serious gas pains. Okay, now I felt a little guilty. But not enough to leave. I did let her ride in the back of the grocery cart for as long as possible though. It did seem to help until the feeling passed.

We were almost finished shopping when Emery piped up…”I’ve got to go potty!” I really wanted to tell him to just use the Pull-Up, but that would go against everything I’ve been teaching him at home. So I parked the buggy and told Savannah we had to hurry and get to the bathroom. She whined the whole way, “You’re going to faaaaassstttt!”

But time is of the essence when you are in the midst of potty training. So I picked up my 5 and a half year old daughter and we ran with Emery to the nearest Wal-Mart bathroom. We flung open the door and headed into the biggest stall. I locked the door and turned around to see Emery standing there with a smile on his face. “Go ahead. Pull you pants down and use the toilet,” I told him.

“No,” he said. “I just did it.” (grrrrrrr….)

Since grocery shopping is such a pleasant experience for my family…NOT…I try to keep the trips to a minimum. It’s great to have a stocked pantry with plenty of choices for several weeks, but it means spending a lot of time up front, including hauling all the food in the house from the truck.

So I leave the door open. It’s the one time I don’t worry about keeping the cat out and the dog in. They know they are free to roam on grocery day. Once I get the bags in and the cold stuff in the fridge, I take a head count. Who is where, and where are they supposed to be?

Yesterday, as I was putting ice cream in the freezer, I saw Stafford dash by. And boy, did he look proud of himself. His head and tail where perked right up and there was a definite spring in his step. But what was that he was carrying? Oh no…don’t tell me! Oh GROSS!!!! It’s the bottom half of a rather large rabbit. Now I am having flashbacks to Fatal Attraction.

“STAFFORD…” I panicked! I knew I had to get him out of the house fast, but I couldn’t scare him so he dropped his prize. “Here Boy…(smooch, smooch, smooch)…C’mon Buddy. Let’s go back outside. Here…bring it here…”

Thankfully I was able to coerce him to drop the carcass outside. Then I made him drink a bunch of water and promise that he would never lick my face again!

After that, things calmed down for a few hours. You could call it intermission. But around 4:00 the excitement picked up again. Jeremy called me and said he had been exposed to someone who was now being quarantined with spinal meningitis. He would be staying with his dad until they knew for sure if she had the bacterial or viral strain, and could I bring him some clothes.

Okay, no problem. I was leading a Bible study later on and his dad’s house is on the way to our church. So I showered and then bathed Emery. Savannah had been kinda laying around all day, nibbling on snacks, but not really hungry. When I mentioned going to church she jumped right off the couch.

Then suddenly, her demeanor changed. “Mommy, I feel funny,” she said. She couldn’t really tell me what was wrong, but I felt the back of her neck and it was burning up. When I took her temperature, it was over 100.

Jeremy’s mom also lives on the way to our church, so I called to see if I could drop her off for about an hour while I did the study. Turns out Linda had been exposed to the same spinal meningitis bug as Jeremy and his dad.

Oh Good Grief!!! What are the odds of that???

So I called the ladies from the study to cancel for the night and apologize for the last minute notice. Then we took Jeremy his clothes and came back home for jammies and snuggling on the couch while sipping cold fruit smoothies.

Everything went well and the kids were in bed by 9:00. But around 10 pm I smelled something funny. Not ha ha funny either. I looked around and found out that Stafford had gotten sick in my office. And it was only the beginning.

The remainder of the night (and early morning) was spent either dishing out meds to Savannah or letting the dog out to poop, over and over and over again. Around 5 am I was finally resting and Emery decided to come down and get in bed with me. He thought it was playtime. I quickly corrected him and drifted back off to dreamland, only to be awakened at 6:30 by the dog who thought it was time to get up for the day.

But what can I say. I am a mother. This is not the first night I’ve spent without sleep, nor will it be the last. Some may say a day in my life would be considered a horror film. But I choose to think of days like this as a comedy. How else could I have just shook my head and sighed when Emery woke up at 8:00 crying and saying he peed in the bed? My bed. With no mattress protector and a plush pillow top.

Yep. It’s just comical.