Fruit Inspection

I think I’ve been holding up rather well. People have even told me that. “Wow”, they’ve said. “I just don’t know how you are doing it.”

Partially, it’s a mask that I put on for Sunday mornings or during social events. But mostly, I’ve always been someone who just rolls with the punches, not allowing my feelings to get in the way. I do have a couple of very close friends however, that have heard me rant and rave. They know the sides of me that are honest and weak.

Our home building company has been running out of the basement for 2 weeks now. I had no idea how it was going to change the dynamics of our house. It’s a loud, stressful environment. Jeremy likes to work while watching TV. The phones ring a lot. He likes to talk using a speaker phone. He paces during long conversations. He leaves paperwork everywhere!!!

In the next room I am homeschooling Savannah or giving the kids their reading time. I’ve never allowed them to watch TV all day long. Some work days start at 6 am. Some don’t get started until 9 or 10:00. I like to keep a schedule and plan ahead. This randomness is driving me a little nuts.

In the past 2 years my life has changed so much. I went from having a monthly housekeeper, to having no help at all. Unless you count my kids, and they are still in the teaching stages, so multiply the actual time it takes to do something by 2 and you’ve got the “real time” I am dealing with. (Oh, and before anyone comments boo-hoo no housekeeper, remember that my husband thought we needed 8000 square feet when he built this sucker. So yes, help would be wonderful!)

We began saving money by pulling the kids out of preschool in January. I miss my 2 or 3 mornings a week to myself. I could make a grocery list, shop, run errands, read my Bible, or clean the house without interruptions. It was nice.

Since we moved the office into our home I began homeschooling and took over the company payroll duties. I am helping Jeremy with a part time venture to supplement our income. We are eating out a lot less and so I am cooking more. I am blogging and emailing less. I rarely have time to chat on the phone.

I am trying not to complain. The economy and inability to sell houses is a constant stress on him. He is mentally exhausted. He doesn’t need to hear his wife moaning about chores and the kids. But I am physically exhausted. These past few weeks I’ve noticed that I get up in the morning tired after sleeping all night long. It’s crazy!

Saturday I was really feeling the strain. For so long I’ve just pushed the reality of it all aside and made my way through the day. But suddenly I was aware of all that’s been going on. I didn’t want a pity party. I didn’t want anyone feeling sorry for me.

I did want to lay it at my Father’s feet.

This morning I felt a little better and looked forward to beginning my day at church. First thing, our music minister led us in a new song. During a portion of the song where it was only instrumental, he posted Psalm 57:1 on the screen,

“BE MERCIFUL and gracious to me, O God, be merciful and gracious to me, for my soul takes refuge and finds shelter and confidence in You; yes, in the shadow of Your wings will I take refuge and be confident until calamities and destructive storms are passed.”

I think it was just for me. I know this is just another season of my life. I don’t know how long I will have endure a stress filled home environment. I don’t know how long Jeremy will be fighting to provide for his family. But I do know God is constant through it all. And he showed me that this morning, on the big screen.

Thank you Lord!